The story of the protagonists, Huang Jingbo and Ni Jinlei, is full of ups and downs. At 16, Huang Jingbo had a special affection for Ni Jinlei’s robust build and sense of humor, while in Ni Jinlei’s eyes, Huang Jingbo was the beautiful, ever-smiling class president. As years went by, at the age of 22, they decided to tie the knot, embracing the sweet title of “husband and wife.”
Married life was full of challenges. The couple tacitly shared family responsibilities—one took care of the household finances, while the other focused on their children’s education. However, the relentless trivialities of daily life revealed that family life is not always black and white, and such pressures ultimately led to the end of their six-year marriage.
As time swiftly passed, four years later, at the age of 32, Huang Jingbo and Ni Jinlei decided to rekindle their love and return to the haven of marriage. During their on-and-off years, their youngest son was diagnosed with autism, adding to the difficulty of life. Although outside articles focused on their successful reconciliation, the depth of life was more than just the surface perfection. Behind this fairy-tale ending lay the struggles, conflicts, and the reluctant compromises and concessions made by stay-at-home moms in the face of real marital challenges.
Many new moms are confused about whether to choose to be a full-time mom. Although they look forward to expert advice, it must ultimately be a decision based on personal circumstances and what’s best for the family. Here are three guidelines:
If a mother stays at home out of a sense of obligation “for the children,” it might not be the ideal choice; conversely, if she feels anxious being away from her children because of work, she may also not be a great employee. Bearing and raising children is never smooth sailing, so remember, no matter what you choose, challenges will always exist.
Of course, women can adjust their decision to work based on different stages in their children’s growth, without being fixed to their initial choice. They should see their roles in life as ever-changing and evolving.
But the decision to become a full-time mom is not just based on personal desire; there are also some practical factors to consider:
- The importance of work: how much a career contributes to one’s identity, and the satisfaction and achievement derived from work.
- Childhood memories: memories of staying at home with the mother during one’s upbringing, and how these memories influence expectations for one’s children.
- Spousal support: The attitude and opinion of the partner regarding staying at home to raise children.
- Financial considerations: Whether the family can afford the financial pressure of giving up work, and whether the partner can bear the financial responsibility independently.
- Social needs: The potential loneliness and need for adult socialization that a full-time mom may experience.
- Personal time: The balance of work and family, and the possibility of personal time at home.
They can rest, wander off in thought, and arrange their own time. There’s no escape from relentless demands at home. The job of a full-time mother is as tough as any other full-time job—sometimes even tougher. If you’re hesitating at the crossroads of decision, perhaps you can give yoga a try. Practicing yoga not only exercises the body, but it can also help you make the right choice on a spiritual level.
From the moment we open our eyes in the morning until nightfall, we constantly make choices. These choices shape our daily lives and may impact others. Each decision comes with consequences, both positive and negative.
Like many, when faced with complex choices, I often feel at a loss. We fear making the wrong decisions, aware that each small choice might trigger a chain reaction, which is the so-called “butterfly effect.” However, facing significant life decisions without knowing their outcomes can inevitably lead to anxiety.
This is where the value of yoga practice becomes evident as it teaches us how to make choices more intuitively and thoughtfully. By applying mindfulness to our daily decision-making process, we become more conscious of our choices, which helps us to make better decisions. Yoga practice also cultivates an inner sense of decision-making, enhancing our confidence and trust in our own resolutions and making us realize that we are masters of our own fate.
Some specific practices include:
1) “Creating space”. A cluttered space leads to a cluttered mind and spirit. Deeply organizing your living space, clearing out items that are no longer of use, and making room for valuable ones can clarify not just your life, but also aid in making wiser decisions. Don’t forget, “creating space” in the mind is equally important. When facing significant choices, create space within through meditation, deep breathing, and relaxation to let answers arise naturally, rather than being forced.
2) “Clean diet and body means a clear mind”. Besides organizing physical space, if we want to make clear-headed decisions, we also need to “clean house” with our bodies. While we may occasionally make poor dietary choices, reducing substances that impact our mental state—like excessive sugar, caffeine, alcohol—enables us to make clearer choices within a healthy domain that favours discovering our inner answers.
3) “Feel it, rather than think it”. Often we are stuck in a whirlwind of overthinking that makes decision-making difficult. Yoga teaches us to listen to the voice of our heart rather than be consumed by excessive thoughts. Through physical and breathing exercises, we learn to connect with our intuition, allowing feelings to guide our decisions, rather than purely logical analysis.
When making choices, people often experience a series of mental struggles that can affect our ability to follow our intuition. To better understand ourselves and cultivate intuition, practices like yoga and meditation are essential. They allow us to quiet the mind, reduce mental fluctuations, and as the ancient yoga texts tell us, with yoga, we can enter a space filled with intuition that is more closely connected to our inner spiritual world.
When at your wit’s end, seeking advice from trustworthy friends and family is an alternative solution. These people can provide assistance from different perspectives and offer solutions to issues. Yoga practice can reveal answers within our hearts, enhance trust in ourselves, and enable us to see issues profoundly. Often, we actually know inside what choice to make; we may just need others’ affirmation to support our intuition.
Make your choice and stick to it; once you feel right, do not look back. If adequate efforts have been made to substantiate a decision, your choice should not be doubted again. If thoughts become muddled again, we must regain control over them. Even though making significant decisions can be unsettling, we cannot let fear prevail. Yoga can help us ease this fear, and through practice, we learn to let go of worries, listen to our inner voice, which always knows the right answer.
Even though we never want to regret or be upset about choices we made, sometimes we have to accept decisions that don’t turn out as well as we hoped. In these cases, learning to be content becomes especially important. Trust our gut feelings, believe that, regardless of the outcome, things will eventually move in a favorable direction.
Let’s start our practice with the Supported Side Lying Stretch Pose, and experience this movement. The Supported Side Lying Stretch Pose allows for a gentle release on both sides of the body, opens up the torso, stretches the muscles between the ribs, and helps relieve shoulder tension. If you practice deep, steady breathing in this position, your intercostal muscles will relax, thereby increasing lung capacity. Deep breaths help stabilize and relax your emotions. Furthermore, opening up both sides of the body is crucial for the subtle flow of energy. It is often believed that the body’s left side represents feminine qualities, symbolizing intuition, receptivity, and relationality, while the right side represents masculine qualities, related to logic, analysis, objectivity, directionality in actions. Through the gentle stretching and breathing of the Supported Side Lying Stretch, we can balance and harmonize various aspects of our existence. Hold each side for 1-5 minutes during practice, starting from a prepared yoga mat.
Sit on the mat with a Vajrasana pose, a kneeling position where the buttocks rest on the heels of both feet. Place a pillow on your left side. Then turn your body to the left so that your knees are bent and stacked on top of each other, with the lower leg resting on the mat. Slide to the pillow, until the left side of your waist (just above the hip) comes to the edge of the pillow. Then, lower the left side of your body between the buttocks and armpit onto the pillow, ensuring that the hip is not on top of the pillow. Find a comfortable position and let your body lean against the pillow.
Stretch your legs out, stacking them; if uncomfortable, keep the knees bent and stacked. Extend the lower arm over your head and rest your head on your arm. Then stretch the top arm over your head and place the hand on the ground, support, or on the other hand. Stretch the back of your neck while relaxing your chin towards your chest.
Allow one side of your body to sink into the pillow and relax. Release one side of your buttocks, thighs, calves, and feet onto the mat. Feel each part of your body as it contacts the support and the ground. Take deep breaths and let your weight release into the support. Concentrate your attention within, focusing on the rhythm of your breath. As you inhale, your chest expands and the intercostal muscles relax; as you exhale, your whole body relaxes.
Approach the sensations on one side of your chest with an accepting attitude, avoiding judgment. If you feel emotional fluctuations, simply observe these emotions and shifts of love. If you experience pain or discomfort, you are free to exit the pose. As you exhale, try to release any tensions, pressures, anxieties, or tiredness, transforming them into feelings of calmness, self-love, and comfort.
While quietly maintaining the pose, anchor your awareness in the bodily sensations through the back-and-forth of your breathing to gradually find a balance between relaxation and expansion. You can remain in this posture for 1-5 minutes as long as it’s comfortable. After finishing, slowly place your hands on your shoulders, bringing your knees together or bending them directly as per the leg position you had. Use your hands to push yourself slowly to a sitting position and take a brief rest lying in a flat, relaxed posture before proceeding to the other side.
Place your hands on your ribs, take a few deep breaths, and feel the undulations of your breath. Pay attention to the differences between the left and right sides. Is one side softer, more spacious? Is the breathing smoother on the side that you’ve just stretched? Can you feel your chest opening up more, both internally and externally? Practice the other side, keeping the duration consistent with the first.
If desired, a blanket or yoga block can be used above the pillow to support your head. Place the blanket or yoga block under your wrist and forearm for additional support. If you can’t fully extend your upper arm overhead, keep your arms bent with elbows resting on the blanket or yoga block. If extending the lower arm is uncomfortable, extend it outwards perpendicular to your body, resting your head on the shoulder or support below.
Bend the lower arms into a cactus position, with palms and forearms on the ground. You can also place a folded blanket under your knees and legs to support them. If bending your knees in this pose, you can place a blanket between the knees to reduce lower back pressure and make the posture more comfortable.
After completing the specified posture, lie still in the Corpse Pose for a few minutes, then slowly sit up and sit in a cross-legged position, keeping your chin parallel to the ground and your shoulders relaxed naturally. Softly relax your abdomen, letting your hips sink heavily onto the cushion; you can choose to close your eyes or gently gaze at the ground in front of you. Gently close your mouth, slightly relax your jaw, and take deep, slow breaths in through your nose.
Now, find a patient, gentle, and steady breathing rhythm, ensuring the duration of your inhales and exhales are equal. As you concentrate on your breath, gently lift the corners of your mouth into a light smile, letting a deep sense of contentment arise with each breath. Breathe with a consciousness of love, appreciating each life-giving inhalation and each precious exhalation.
Let this gratitude fill your whole body; you can imagine it as a warm sensation or a beam of light. Maintain awareness of your breath while letting gratitude deeply permeate every nerve in your body. Be thankful for the air entering and leaving your nostrils, for each expansion of your chest and relaxation of your abdomen, and let your body sway with gratitude to the rhythm of your breath. Pause for the duration of three breaths, persisting in focusing your entire being on gratitude to help you focus on the current breath and cherish each one.
Breathe patiently and appreciate the magic that accompanies each exhalation, observe those lingering breaths, notice how beautiful it is. If your mind begins to wander, return to your breath at any time, and remember the sense of fulfillment that meditation brings you. In everyday life, we can thus experience contentment and satisfaction more frequently, able to dwell in the present without being pulled by greed or anger. This is the true sign of inner freedom.
In the end, make the right choice according to your own needs and those of your family. Be prepared to accept the possibility that one day you might doubt these decisions, no matter which path you choose. A final reminder, whether or not you decide to practice the yoga shared today, it will bring a new transformation to your life at the moment of decision, and it’s worth deep reflection.