Recently, a controversy that has attracted widespread attention emerged on social media, involving a stand-up comedian named Yang Bo and a female student from Xiamen University named Xiao Han. Attracted by Yang Bo’s stage performance, the female student sought him out in real life. Realizing that my readers include university students, I feel it is necessary to discuss this matter in detail.
Firstly, Xiao Han fell so much in love with Yang Bo’s performance that she actively sought him out in real life, expressing her admiration through letters and flowers and even took a photo with her idol as a keepsake.
Secondly, her passionate expression caught Yang Bo’s attention, and he not only responded to Xiao Han but also visited her university late at night, and they engaged in intimate acts on the beach.
Thirdly, this close contact led Xiao Han to mistakenly believe that Yang Bo had developed deep feelings for her, leading her to further entanglement and expectation of a deeper relationship, but Yang Bo already had a girlfriend and rejected Xiao Han’s pursuit. This made Xiao Han feel deceived, leading to relentless pursuit and intimidation.
Fourthly, Yang Bo initially thought it was just a simple and casual encounter, but it turned into strong admiration and paranoia from Xiao Han. Trying to distance himself by being cold, he was instead repeatedly confronted by Xiao Han in public and at his residence.
Fifthly, due to Yang Bo’s concern that the situation might worsen, he chose to confess everything to his girlfriend. His girlfriend later reached out to Xiao Han, asking her to stop all forms of entanglement. At the same time, Yang Bo also communicated with Xiao Han’s school and learned that she had a neurological disorder.
Sixthly, when Xiao Han found out that Yang Bo had contacted her teachers, she publicly exposed him online, accusing him of being scum and mentioning her own mistreatment. Similarly, Yang Bo disclosed some of Xiao Han’s personal information.
This encounter, which should have been a beautiful fan-and-idol interlude, turned into one-sided disdain and hostility. However, the truth is not one-sided. When I was younger, I might have sympathized with Xiao Han and strongly condemned Yang Bo’s actions. However, with age, I now see that everyone can be a slave to their environment and desires.
The fault with Yang Bo is not just that he took advantage of Xiao Han’s admiration and affection, but in his arrogance and selfishness. He mistakenly thought he could play with emotions and desires, even while having a steady partner, yet entertained inappropriate thoughts about another girl at night. However, when he realized Xiao Han’s mental condition, he began to panic and retreat.
If Xiao Han had not had a mental problem, perhaps Yang Bo would have gone further, possibly continuing to navigate between the two women, maintaining his good guy image. In any toxic intimate relationship, it’s often unclear who is the innocent party and who is at fault, but one thing is clear: in every relationship, there is responsibility.
Regarding the incident with stand-up comedian Yang Bo and the female student from Xiamen University, if Yang Bo had remained clear-headed and set boundaries right from the start, avoiding any unrealistic expectations for the other party, then the subsequent disputes would not have taken place. The biggest illusion of men with certain abilities, fame, and power is that they overestimate their charm, thinking that they can easily win over any female who admires or even flatters them falsely, and this delusion often ends in ruin and regret.
Yang Bo’s selfish behavior not only lies in the fact that he disclosed her school, department, and full name after learning about her mental health issues, leading me to despise his actions. But also, the girl, in her writings, continuously strived to protect her privacy and her school’s identity. Based on my understanding of the internet environment, Yang Bo’s exposure undoubtedly pushed her towards extreme danger of cyberbullying.
The girl’s obsession with Yang Bo, her misguided love, paranoia, and frenzy reflect her inner fragility. Yang Bo’s exposure undoubtedly worsened her mental illness. This is deeply worrying because if the girl suffers from more severe illness or even resorts to extreme actions because of this, how could Yang Bo live with himself for the rest of his life? There are already too many emotional conflicts and controversies on the internet, and it’s difficult to distinguish right from wrong for outsiders. However, there’s a clear logic: in conflicts, those who maintain kind memories of past affections are blessed. Sometimes, leaving an escape route for others is also leaving one for yourself.
I have encountered many girls like her in emotional counseling sessions – sensitive, paranoid, indulging in illusions, misinterpreting others’ kindness as love, unable to let go after a breakup, and harboring intense hatred wanting to destroy the other when affection is unreciprocated. Their behaviors are filled with sharpness and problems, but these stem from an intense inner longing for love and care. Regardless of wealth, those who did not receive proper love and acceptance during their upbringing might become obsessed with any form of love, especially during separation and abandonment due to neglect and abandonment pains accumulated from their childhood.
On the other hand, because of those childhood pains, they tend to become extremely dependent on men who might eventually betray, hurt, and abandon them. This is a destiny that needs careful examination. The deep patterns of emotion are not about avoiding being hurt again, but rather, they repeatedly seek experiences that touch upon their same wounds. Women who have not received satisfied love continuously place themselves between hope and fear, looking for situations similar to the incidents that hurt them in childhood, hoping to achieve redemption in new relationships and thus save themselves.
In our journey of growth, important psychological needs such as a sense of security and recognition often shape our pursuit of love and establishment of interpersonal relationships.
For example, girls who lacked paternal love in their early years often fall for older men in hopes that such relationships will affirm that they are worthy of love and will never be abandoned.
Similarly, a girl who suffered heartbreak at 18 might endlessly seek partners reminiscent of her first love, even if such relationships are full of harm, she clings to them out of a desire to weave a new narrative of “we can have a happy ending” to save the part of herself still at 18.
To break this seemingly fateful cycle, we need to remember and practice two important viewpoints.
Firstly, the best gift every child is inherently entitled to is a sufficient sense of security and feeling valuable. When children feel secure enough and are clearly aware of their importance, they will not easily throw themselves into cheap romance or fall into erroneous interpersonal relationships. Such children know that they and their emotions are precious, hence they will not recklessly trample on or waste them.
Next, we must recognize where we might be stagnant, but at the same time, we must be clearly aware that today’s self is no longer the self of yesterday. We have to strive to grow, see ourselves clearly, accept the pain we have experienced, understand the predicaments we might fall into, and more importantly, know that the 28-year-old self is no longer the 18 or 8-year-old self. The 28-year-old you should not direct your own script anymore, repetitively playing out those painful and entangled stories.
The 28-year-old you have enough resources and abilities to change the status quo, to boldly say “no”, and to distance yourself from those who have hurt you in the past. You should not simply carry embarrassment and hatred, resenting your “original family” and “past hurts”, remaining stagnant, awaiting more trauma. Remember, oh navigator: there is no ship on the sea that hasn’t been injured. But those that set sail, even with scars, are destined to reach the distant shores.
So, let us set off, the wisdom and strength brought to you by the landscapes and affairs you have witnessed, will make the scars of the past seem trivial. The hurt may never disappear, but it will eventually submit to the brave. Move forward, young lady, may you have a wonderful Tuesday.